"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars.
You have to let go at some point to move forward."
~ C.S. Lewis
I had a totally different post I had started drafting and I was planning on posting it next ....but like I mentioned in my first post, random things may occur that I feel the need to blog about. While the other will have it's day on my blog, this is on my mind & for a reason.
This weekend I took my first step or one could say I took hold of my first monkey bar, back into society.
I attended a beautiful wedding with my father and wonderful friends whom are like family to me, however they were my parents friends that they did mostly everything with. As we rode to the wedding it was ironic yet bittersweet because I had a feeling come over me that I was sitting in for my mother. I am not nor will I ever fill her shoes. I am just fulfulling the other reason I moved home during this journey. The first reason was to be with my mother in her last 2 months and now it's to be with my dad and make sure he is taken care of.
I will tell you reality hits you when you start getting mail addressed just to your father and yourself. That was a tough one for me to accept. It forced me to see reality before I was ready to see it. That alone is one hard step to process.
My mother would have been at this gorgeous wedding and I know she was proud of me for taking that step and letting go of the fear of being asked "how are you" by so many. Don't get me wrong I am blessed to have so many wonderful caring people in my life.
Moving home was hard but when you have a night, like I had this weekend, I was reminded that I am surrounded by all of these people whom cared about my mother and whom did for her while she was sick. It truly changed how I view that question when being asked "how are you". Honestly that question has been one that I even question. It's so contradicting because sometimes you want that question. You want to know that you are cared for and that what has happened to you hasn't just gone away but then again you want to run from that question because there is no right answer to it. I am ok one hour and crying hard the next, so it's almost impossible to answer.
However MY BELIEF is that my mom had a lot to do with how I held my composure and how all of these loved ones treated me, while a beautiful wedding was going on. They took time to talk with me and tell me what my mother meant to them, I always love to hear about her. Yet I still kept my composure. Thank You mom for your help.
I attended a beautiful wedding with my father and wonderful friends whom are like family to me, however they were my parents friends that they did mostly everything with. As we rode to the wedding it was ironic yet bittersweet because I had a feeling come over me that I was sitting in for my mother. I am not nor will I ever fill her shoes. I am just fulfulling the other reason I moved home during this journey. The first reason was to be with my mother in her last 2 months and now it's to be with my dad and make sure he is taken care of.
I will tell you reality hits you when you start getting mail addressed just to your father and yourself. That was a tough one for me to accept. It forced me to see reality before I was ready to see it. That alone is one hard step to process.
My mother would have been at this gorgeous wedding and I know she was proud of me for taking that step and letting go of the fear of being asked "how are you" by so many. Don't get me wrong I am blessed to have so many wonderful caring people in my life.
Moving home was hard but when you have a night, like I had this weekend, I was reminded that I am surrounded by all of these people whom cared about my mother and whom did for her while she was sick. It truly changed how I view that question when being asked "how are you". Honestly that question has been one that I even question. It's so contradicting because sometimes you want that question. You want to know that you are cared for and that what has happened to you hasn't just gone away but then again you want to run from that question because there is no right answer to it. I am ok one hour and crying hard the next, so it's almost impossible to answer.
However MY BELIEF is that my mom had a lot to do with how I held my composure and how all of these loved ones treated me, while a beautiful wedding was going on. They took time to talk with me and tell me what my mother meant to them, I always love to hear about her. Yet I still kept my composure. Thank You mom for your help.
However with God (& my mother) watching over me they prepared me with a nice surprise. Which made all the difference in the night.
I actually got to see so many wonderful friends that I have missed and thought about. I had no idea they would even be there.
I actually got to see so many wonderful friends that I have missed and thought about. I had no idea they would even be there.
For starters I got to see this angel God sent me when mom was diagnosed. She was my neighbor in Birmingham and also has been through a journey with grief herself. When I lived in Birmingham, she not only let me come over and sit and talk. She prayed for me and text me to check in on me.
And she is still doing so even though I am not her neighbor anymore. She even left me a great book when she was in town, in my mailbox after mom passed that has been so helpful.
She is the definition of having the kindest most genuine soul. To think of me as much as she does is a true blessing. It's nice to have someone to turn to that has been through a similar situation. It's those little things in life that get you through.
And she is still doing so even though I am not her neighbor anymore. She even left me a great book when she was in town, in my mailbox after mom passed that has been so helpful.
She is the definition of having the kindest most genuine soul. To think of me as much as she does is a true blessing. It's nice to have someone to turn to that has been through a similar situation. It's those little things in life that get you through.
I Love You A!
I am so glad I was able to hug and talk with A, I swear she only wanted to know how I was and we didn't even get a chance to talk about her sweet little one that much.But I forgot to remind you, remember to try and go one size down with the Christmas tree this year! I loved last years but I just remembered last year was a trial run. Oh the things that are fond memories. Seems like yesterday I was smelling Christmas in your house!Not only was I able to hug her but I got to hug the one and only T-Holc. One of my closest friends I had in Bham. We had such a good group of close friends in Birmingham. He is like family to me and that warmed my heart to turn around and see him.
But just when I thought the night was over, I was reunited with my pledge sisters. They also walked with me through my tough journey. They may have been pregnant and now have beautiful little boys but they sure did keep in touch with our journey and what was going on. I fell into my complete comfort zone when I see these two and I hear "Heath". It's been a while since I've heard that... I don't hear it everyday like I once did.
So I took a reach out toward that first monkey bar in moving forward. It will take time to swing on to the next bar... BUT at least I have made some progress and got back out into the world around me and the life that is still going on with or without me. Glad I chose to take that step forward.
Thank you all for a couple of hours a little less painful!
Love,
HH
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