Houston We Have a Problem! (Part 2)

My post title..  I take what I went through seriously but on a few days the sun shines in when you least expect it and I have surreal clarity and... well, we really did have a problem that only Houston could help us with.

The world works in mysterious ways. When mom said she would go to Houston I was overwhelmed with gratefulness that she will start fighting the beast in her and yet felt anxious at the same time.
I started thinking "How do I get her in now that I have shown her some light at the end of this dark scary tunnel".."Have I just gotten my moms hopes up for nothing".
Blondie over here had not thought out the WHOLE process, I was only focused on finding the right place to send her. However my awesome dad and all of his many connections knew someone's daughter out there that was a doctor, so she was able to get us into the admissions door.
However another catch was the Gastrointestinal Medical Oncology unit only  took certain cases. MD Anderson is such an honest facility that they will decline your request for treatment if they can not help you. They aren't after your money. They exsist because they want to improve with each patient and they want the survival rates to increase.

So they never said they would take mom's case they first said send us your scans and we will go from there... what a long wait that was. Mom and the family had to come stay with me in Birmingham and have her scans done and get all of her records so that UAB could send them out to MD Anderson. Those days were scary. I am impatient. So what do I do... I call Patty from Illinois, pleading for her help and telling her I am just a girl from Alabama that wants to get her mom the best help. I was lucky she put her number on her blog. Soon after I left that message, I received a phone call from an amazing lady that I would like to just about call family. She gave me instructions and she said she would reach out to her doctor personally for us. Then she said take a breath. You just hopped on the worst roller coaster ride but I will be here for you as you endure peaks and valleys. From then on we have talked. I am still waiting to go see her one day soon. Mom even got to meet her because they had appointments at the same time. So little ole me set up a playdate! Mom felt blessed to know she wasn't alone. That her beast also lived inside of this lady she was hugging.


When the phone call came.. it brought relief. They accepted moms case. I was ecstatic. They came to Birmingham to do scans but also  packed ready for Houston because mom knew God would guide her path there. She was so right. Although it was like waiting for a baby to be born, we didn't know how long it would take to get and appointment. But God answered our prayers and they flew out that same week.
As I wasn't able to take off of work to go immediately, I found that I was ok with that because she just had lab work to do each day before the doctors appointment. So I took off for Houston early morning to make that first appointment and I must say it was my first trip to pack all my stuff in just a carry on. I meant business.. get out of my way ppl I am trying to get to my mom and get to her quickly. Plus clothes do not matter but my moms health did.
I got them set up with just the right hotel that they/us ended up staying at everytime. The staff all became so close to mom.

(Landed in Houston, First thing they saw- Mom ready to get there- Mom loved her basket robins)

I arrived to see shock and relief on my moms face that I was actually there. That I came to be with her. And she held onto me for a long long time. As she didn't sleep because of her nerves and neither did I. So we layed down together as the rest of the family awoke to begin our journey at MD Anderson.

Just wish she could hold me now! Even at 31 I want and wish my mom would hold onto me just a little while.

Love to you All!

HH

Did I mention my dad may or may have not stolen/borrowed a CVS buggy to walk back to the hotel with.. because he likes life the easy way.

Also look at these 2 sweet men waiting on lab work appointments. MD Anderson is quite awesome!!

Why the name? (PART 1)

With no stoned unturned... Let the journey begin...
Deciding on what to call my blog was a quick process. It hasn't been in the past when I wanted to start my "beauty blog", so I truly think God was holding out on me, and telling me 'wait you will have a better story to tell, have patience'.

This is true I have a better story to tell than talk about any and all beauty products. This story is far beyond what I thought I'd write about but it's my story and I waited and gave God time to let me go through, a no so great journey, but change my life in such ways that I feel it's possible I can help others for the better. If not help them then I can at least help myself by having this journaled for a keepsake.

My Beautiful July

My true inspiration to blog or finally start blogging is because of Patty, I mentioned in my first post.

At the beginning of our journey when mom was diagnosed, June 6th, 2014. Over one week she was told by two hospitals that she had a year to live and ... Well for ME that wasn't good enough. I would take 2 or 3 but not just 1 year. I just told her mom we all have bumps in our road. We fall but we get back up... so we fight and we get on with our lives. We are in this together, we all have cancer, not just you.

So while my family was grieving this news and shut themselves off from the world and went to our lake house. I unfortunately could not be there with them, as I lived 2 hours away and had a job I had to be at. Yet every being in me couldn't allow myself to not experience the pain with them so I started to research (they refused to hear about it or read up on this specific cancer). So with one whole day of scrolling through article after article and getting the same statistic of one year (which began to make me numb and sick because how could this be?) How could this happen to my mom. She is the youngest of 6 and we have never had cancer in our family.

But I kept on just wanting to find a cure, wanting to do my part or atleast try finding my part I have in this journey. Still researching after lunch because honestly how does one work with this open wound bleeding profusely and the only thing that could possibly stop the bleeding is what happens to be at my disposal... the internet. So all the while hoping our case would be different and she wouldn't be that statistic. I came across a blog, pattysjourneyoffaith.blogspot.com, a lady from Illinois that has the same cancer as mom and she has blogged her whole journey almost just about everyday. At that moment in my office I felt joy... she was still alive. I felt God truly controlled my hand as he guided my clicks. Because let me tell you, there is NOTHING out there in all the internet that talks about this cancer in leymens terms. Nothing because it is so rare. SO to fine her blog, was like finding the Holy Grail. I felt like we had a plan now. I felt like everything was going to be alright, I felt for once in my life I had a purpose and it was finding Patty.
Thus being one of the main reasons I wanted to blog as well, to share with anyone and everyone information about Bile Duct Cancer. How we got close but gave out of breath before running through that ribbon at the finish line. I will tell you things I would of done differently. I will always tell you to get into clinical trials. But these things I do not fret upon because God is in control and it was my mothers time. Although it's painfully HARD to accept but what hurts the most is my heart from missing her. I truly know what the definition of having your heart broken feels like and it's nothing compared to what you think it feels like.

After I found Patty, I drove to the lake, put on a happy face and strutted in there and said "Pack your bags... everything really IS bigger in Texas... "We are going to M.D. Anderson." Knowing my family, and seeing it being me doing the research... they were slightly taken back.. as I was too, surely you would of thought the other daughter would of been all over that. But it was me... so I had my proof to back me up. I printed out articles from MDA, proof they were advancing in this cancer. I had Patty's blog pulled up on my ipad, And I may or may not have tried to help her with a certain paste that I read has possibilities to help cancer. This was only if she said no to MDA. Alabama did just pass CBD oil to help epilepsy so I went a little along that path to get my hands on ANYTHING that would stop these tumors from growing.
Did mom think I was crazy... probably.. more so wanting to know where I got it. I will go to any lengths or shall I say I did to try to fix her. And no it is no longer in my possesion.

But I offered what I could and one day later she said ..."Ok I will go".

Part 1- Love to All Reading,

Heather

Monkey Bars

"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars.

You have to let go at some point to move forward."

~ C.S. Lewis

I had a totally different post I had started drafting and I was planning on posting it next ....but like I mentioned in my first post, random things may occur that I feel the need to blog about. While the other will have it's day on my blog, this is on my mind & for a reason.

 

This weekend I took my first step or one could say I took hold of my first monkey bar, back into society.
I attended a beautiful wedding with my father and wonderful friends whom are like family to me, however they were my parents friends that they did mostly everything with. As we rode to the wedding it was ironic yet bittersweet because I had a feeling come over me that I was sitting in for my mother. I am not nor will I ever fill her shoes. I am just fulfulling the other reason I moved home during this journey. The first reason was to be with my mother in her last 2 months and now it's to be with my dad and make sure he is taken care of. 
I will tell you reality hits you when you start getting mail addressed just to your father and yourself. That was a tough one for me to accept. It forced me to see reality before I was ready to see it. That alone is one hard step to process.

 My mother would have been at this gorgeous wedding and I know she was proud of me for taking that step and letting go of the fear of being asked "how are you" by so many. Don't get me wrong I am blessed to have so many wonderful caring people in my life.
Moving home was hard but when you have a night, like I had this weekend, I was reminded that I am surrounded by all of these people whom cared about my mother and whom did for her while she was sick. It truly changed how I view that question when being asked "how are you". Honestly that question has been one that I even question. It's so contradicting because sometimes you want that question. You want to know that you are cared for and that what has happened to you hasn't just gone away but then again you want to run from that question because there is no right answer to it. I am ok one hour and crying hard the next, so it's almost impossible to answer.
However MY BELIEF is that my mom had a lot to do with how I held my composure and how all of these loved ones treated me, while a beautiful wedding was going on. They took time to talk with me and tell me what my mother meant to them, I always love to hear about her. Yet I still kept my composure. Thank You mom for your help.

However with God (& my mother) watching over me they prepared me with a nice surprise. Which made all the difference in the night.
I actually got to see so many wonderful friends that I have missed and thought about. I had no idea they would even be there. 
 

For starters I got to see this angel God sent me when mom was diagnosed. She was my neighbor in Birmingham and also has been through a journey with grief herself. When I lived in Birmingham, she not only let me come over and sit and talk. She prayed for me and text me to check in on me.
And she is still doing so even though I am not her neighbor anymore. She even left me a great book when she was in town, in my mailbox after mom passed that has been so helpful.
She is the definition of having the kindest most genuine soul. To think of me as much as she does is a true blessing. It's nice to have someone to turn to that has been through a similar situation. It's those little things in life that get you through.
 

I Love You A!
 

I am so glad I was able to hug and talk with A, I swear she only wanted to know how I was and we didn't even get a chance to talk about her sweet little one that much.But I forgot to remind you, remember to try and go one size down with the Christmas tree this year! I loved last years but I just remembered last year was a trial run. Oh the things that are fond memories. Seems like yesterday I was smelling Christmas in your house!

Not only was I able to hug her but I got to hug the one and only T-Holc. One of my closest friends I had in Bham. We had such a good group of close friends in Birmingham. He is like family to me and that warmed my heart to turn around and see him.

But just when I thought the night was over, I was reunited with my pledge sisters. They also walked with me through my tough journey. They may have been pregnant and now have beautiful little boys but they sure did keep in touch with our journey and what was going on. I fell into my complete comfort zone when I see these two and I hear "Heath". It's been a while since I've heard that... I don't hear it everyday like I once did.

I LOVE these girls and when I saw them I was in shock and just couldn't believe they were right there. So close to me, so comforting, and so grateful to be graced with their presence. Being in a sorority and having pledge sisters like mine, well they have known me for a long time and their love is still unconditional. We are blessed to all be so close. 

So I took a reach out toward that first monkey bar in moving forward. It will take time to swing on to the next bar... BUT at least I have made some progress and got back out into the world around me and the life that is still going on with or without me. Glad I chose to take that step forward.

Thank you all for a couple of hours a little less painful!

 

Love,

HH

 

What feels like the End is often the Beginning

Hi my name is Heather and this is my FIRST post into the blogging world. Ok so I secretly feel like I just stood up at an AA meeting and said hello to everyone in that sort of fashion. No disrespect to AA attenders but I must applaud you for the courage you have to stand up in a room full of people and tell your story. I may not be doing this face to face in person BUT I am exposing myself to the public for the first time ever while leaving no stone unturned (Good, Bad, & Very Ugly)... AND for the first time speaking out since my mother passed away.
I have been a constant blog follower of so many and wished I could do my own and for a while my friends convinced me I would be great at a blog that tells you about what beauty products work and which ones clearly don't (I have no problem admitting that I will try every new product out there, cheap, expensive... Not just store bought either, those infomercials have gotten me late at night... Malibu Pilates. Thank you Susan Lucci for your amazing persuasion.) I digress.
My reason for finally taking this step and starting a blog is because I found a reason and a place where I belong. If it's just for me to journal, so be it... If I can reach out to ppl and give them tons of knowledge I have acquired by the age of 31 that would be amazing... but if I can just reach one person that would be amazing.

My inspiration:
This is my amazing mother whom went to heaven July 2, 2015. Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory. Yet their are some our there that know just what I am talking about. She was my mother, my comforter, my inspiration to want more for myself, my caretaker even when I was 28 and sick, but my top 3 most important things she was to me: 1) my encourager to use the talents God gave me in painting 2) To fight till the end and never give up any battle big or small.. which makes her my hero & 3) my teacher, as she taught me more in one year of how to walk a beautiful walk in faith, for that made my walk with God stronger.

My last year of my life has not been anywhere near ideal nor has it turned out to be the life I thought I'd have. That's why it's SO important to me to let everyone know how precious life really

is and no one is invincible. If you still have both of your parents (especially to my friends out there) just love them, that's all my mom wanted and in the end all you have is family anyway. Hug your mom for me because I can't or hug your dad for me, because my close friend whom has been exactly where I am, can't. But then again what am I saying this world revolves around text not physical stuff anymore, so just text them a simple "I love you". You'll look back and be grateful you did. 

My mom carried me for 9 miserably, mostly hot months, as I sat on a nerve that made her itch the whole time. Good things combs were invented because I believe she kept one by her side at all times..... I literally knew her from the inside first. To think I was so close to her actual heart gives me chills. Every mother deserves love for what they do to get you here. And mine... Well she's not supposed to be gone yet. I was only 30. She didn't get to see my major milestones. However I know she will just like I know when we asked God for healing, he gave us that but in a different form than we anticipated.

She is the only reason I get up and go to work. To go back a few steps, I uprooted my life I had for her. I will tell you about Bile Duct Cancer and our journey in another post. And it may take part one all the way to part four to explain what my life has entailed and  how we did all we could to keep her alive. It's a scary journey we took but we met amazing people that played huge roles in our journey and they will forever be apart of our lives. 

Like Patty who is a miracle walking. She has the same cancer and is still thriving years after diagnosis. Can't wait to tell you what this "spitfire" (as she calls me) did.

And then there is Joel a cancer survivor who was moms radiation tech. He kept her laughing and honestly they shared a unique bond that I probably won't ever know all the jokes or statements they made, all that matters is he helped make her treatments easier.

Oh and did I mention my mother set me up on a blind date with him! That's another post to come. He has continued to be part of my inspiration to keep going on with this new life I now have. 

Lastly I will always talk about my amazing sister and how she literally took every step with my mother as I wish I could have. However God's plan was for my sister to be my mothers constant caretaker/nurse which was a blessing. (Love you K)

For now I will end my first post. My blog is not meant to be all about my mom, its meant to be about my life. Some posts may involve my amazing friends and family or about something random on my mind.

But for now I leave you with this... I was going to edit the date out of the pic but I decided it's the best way to show you all the TRUTH in how drastically your life can change in a year.

Oh and those fur babies, besides the one photo bombing it in the back.. (she is mine) and one other not pictured are now mine. 4 dogs...I feel like I officially have one grown child! But I am taking care of them just like my mom asked me too.

I LOVE YOU MOM, My Beautiful July 7!

Love to All reading this!